"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it" George Santayana
I spent a good portion of my weekend reading through archived emails, messages, IMs and texts from a few past boyfriends. Maybe I'm the only one who keeps correspondence anymore, but just because there are no hard-copy notes and letters these days doesn't mean there isn't a digital version of the stack of letters bound by a ribbon at the end of a relationship.
For the most part, I forget this correspondence is there, but it's good to know I can revisit these things if I ever feel the need. This past week, I've been pushed in the direction of my virtual breakup boxes and have blown the dust (some dustier than others) off the lids and started reading.
I won't lie. Much of it was torturous. But, it was also nice to see that there were plenty of good times worth remembering. And, although it shouldn't have been surprising to me, I was shocked to see such a distinct pattern to the flow of things with Pepe, Sugar D and Baby Boy. It's true that there are times one can't see the forest for the trees and the past 15 years have been dark times in the forbidden forest for me!
But, for as much torture as it was to read through the correspondence, it was equally liberating. Things have changed and I'm on a clear path. It's one that makes me happier than I've been in years and one that I prefer to keep mostly to myself because I'm selfish and I refuse to share it with anyone else. I've sealed the archives once again, but it's good to know they are there so I won't keep repeating the past.
Showing posts with label Sugar D. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sugar D. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
It's a Fine Line
Lately I feel like I've lost my self identity. Maybe "lately" is a bit understated since I spent the better part of the last 10 years making adjustments to how I act and what I say so others feel comfortable and safe. And to be honest, I think that's a good thing to do, but at what point does it become too much? Where does one draw the line?
There's a fine line which separates the two extremes of everything. A fine line between love and hate, pleasure and pain, good and evil.......there's also a fine line between being true to one's self and being selfish. This one has been on my mind a lot the past few weeks and I'm trying to find the correct balance between the two. After all, isn't that what the fine line is; the balance one should strive to find? However, finding that balance and walking that fine line are often easier said than done.
Why should I feel selfish when I feel I've reached my tipping point when it comes to this fine line balance? The only thing I'm really good at is being myself and if I don't have that, it's very disconcerting. I'm not sure this is something I could even change since I've been doing it so long, but at least with the thought germinating in the back of my mind, I might be able to make it a bit more balanced.
There's a fine line which separates the two extremes of everything. A fine line between love and hate, pleasure and pain, good and evil.......there's also a fine line between being true to one's self and being selfish. This one has been on my mind a lot the past few weeks and I'm trying to find the correct balance between the two. After all, isn't that what the fine line is; the balance one should strive to find? However, finding that balance and walking that fine line are often easier said than done.
Why should I feel selfish when I feel I've reached my tipping point when it comes to this fine line balance? The only thing I'm really good at is being myself and if I don't have that, it's very disconcerting. I'm not sure this is something I could even change since I've been doing it so long, but at least with the thought germinating in the back of my mind, I might be able to make it a bit more balanced.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Absolute Self-Indulgence
Wednesday was a tough day for me.
I hate not being able to write the blog I need to write. *
I hate not being able to write the blog I need to write. *
And yet, I'm trying.
I miss him.
I miss talking to him everyday.
I miss the ease with which our conversation would flow.
I miss saying the same things at the same time
I miss his bottom lip.
I feel bad for missing his bottom lip, as though it's not allowed.
I miss having lunch with him.
I miss 7 AM meetings.
I miss him.
I miss him and I feel bad bad about missing him
as if it's wrong and unacceptable to miss that which was such a large part of my daily life for over a year.
Past meetings, conversations and touches are all good memories for me.
I feel bad that my good memories are painful reminders to him.
I feel helpless and tolerated
I'm jealous of those women
[single women]
who get to enjoy his friendship while I'm not allowed.
I miss him and don't want to feel bad that my missing him
will be misinterpreted and mistaken for something it's not.
I'm broken.
It's harmless.
I miss him.
*[to the inconsiderate and foolish person who approached him before and made him feel threatened.....I know what you said to him (as if he and I are not still close enough he wouldn't tell me about it) and if it happens again, prepare for your world to change drastically. You got a free pass the first time, but I will not tolerate a second indiscretion on your part.]
Friday, September 18, 2009
Leaving on a Jet Plane!
Tomorrow I fly from Oklahoma City to Vegas (non-stop, baby!) for another year of Talent Quest Nationals! There's lots on my mind as I prepare for my 9 days immersed in music, but at the forefront of them all is what a difference a year makes.
When I was preparing to leave last year, I was happy with my job and had just started talking to this really great guy. The job and the guy are no longer, but I'm not unhappy about any of it, although I find I'm growing a bit nostalgic over the boy since so much was happening with him this time last year. I'm anxious to go and replace last years memories with new ones.........and I'm hopeful the last little bit of ache I feel when I think of him will subside.
I'm also looking forward to hearing lots of great singers (I'll try to blog and post some videos throughout the week if I have the time), seeing old friends and meeting new ones! Overall, Talent Quest has been the most rewarding volunteer gig I've ever had!
If you're interested in learning more about Talent Quest, click HERE
I'll be posting more next week as the contest gets into full swing.....it's gonna be a blast!
When I was preparing to leave last year, I was happy with my job and had just started talking to this really great guy. The job and the guy are no longer, but I'm not unhappy about any of it, although I find I'm growing a bit nostalgic over the boy since so much was happening with him this time last year. I'm anxious to go and replace last years memories with new ones.........and I'm hopeful the last little bit of ache I feel when I think of him will subside.
I'm also looking forward to hearing lots of great singers (I'll try to blog and post some videos throughout the week if I have the time), seeing old friends and meeting new ones! Overall, Talent Quest has been the most rewarding volunteer gig I've ever had!
If you're interested in learning more about Talent Quest, click HERE
I'll be posting more next week as the contest gets into full swing.....it's gonna be a blast!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
The Bottom of my Heart
Last week was a stressful one for me......mostly just trying to get through a challenging year of TQ regionals, but mixed in with that was having to deal with two "ghosts of boyfriends past" (as I like to call them). Mainly, Pepe. I haven't had any contact with him since the end of May (which is a long time for he and I to go without at least e-mailing) and I hadn't been missing him at all which makes me know I've finally gotten over him........mostly.
The poem I'm posting is actually one I wrote when I was about 15........and then I changed the final lines when I was in college. I can't remember writing it about anyone in particular, but I must have..........I guess it just proves that time heals all wounds. Regardless, this little, silly, school girl poem just won't stay out of my head, so I'm trying to blog it out!
I thought that we were finished,
We said that we were through.
I tucked your memory away
and tried to start anew.
I went along my merry way
without another thought
but suddenly, your name comes up
and my heartbeat seems to stop.
Why-- (if I am over you
and all my wounds have healed)
why am I feeling lonely here?
What has my heart concealed?
So, I searched my heart completely,
down to the deepest part-
to find I'd only forgotten you
'til the bottom of my heart.
The poem I'm posting is actually one I wrote when I was about 15........and then I changed the final lines when I was in college. I can't remember writing it about anyone in particular, but I must have..........I guess it just proves that time heals all wounds. Regardless, this little, silly, school girl poem just won't stay out of my head, so I'm trying to blog it out!
I thought that we were finished,
We said that we were through.
I tucked your memory away
and tried to start anew.
I went along my merry way
without another thought
but suddenly, your name comes up
and my heartbeat seems to stop.
Why-- (if I am over you
and all my wounds have healed)
why am I feeling lonely here?
What has my heart concealed?
So, I searched my heart completely,
down to the deepest part-
to find I'd only forgotten you
'til the bottom of my heart.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
An Open Letter to Sugar D
Dear Sugar D,
After reading your e-mail this afternoon entitled, "Hey", I thought of a few things I wanted to clarify but decided they were best discussed out in the "open" given your propensity to misinterpret what I'm saying.....even when I go out of my way to articulately and succinctly explain what I need you to know.
I would have said some of this in my e-mail response to your finite epistle, but then my readers wouldn't have the joy of seeing what a self described "dick" you are. [for the record, I sincerely doubt you'll wander over here to read this anyway......but it will be cathartic for me, to get these things off my chest]
Firstly, from the beginning, you and I were flirtatious, to say the least. In fact, I'd go so far as to say flirting was the basis of the beginning of our friendship (please bear in mind a friendship is one of the many types of relationships, so don't flip out if, further in this letter, I refer to our association as a relationship). Before embarking on this fantastic voyage you and I have shared, I paused (as any self respecting, cautious, virgo would do) and made it a point to gain some assurance from you about my concerns the steps we were about to take could have a major impact on our fledgling friendship. Let me remind you with some dialog from our HUGE IM archive: [AND....although I'm pretty vexed at the moment, I'll continue to protect your identity, even though you don't deserve that kindness after the mistreatment you've given me over the past month]
Monday, Sept 15, 2008
stargurrl13 (3:28:52 PM): okay.....before I send this.....
b***********(3:28:59 PM): yes...
stargurrl13 (3:29:41 PM): .....I need to know things won't get "weird"....I like our rapport and don't want that to change AT ALL
stargurrl13 (3:29:45 PM): dig?
b*********** (3:29:56 PM): i dig
b*********** (3:30:06 PM): we just two wild and crazy kids...having fun
Seriously......I know it was 9 months ago, but was I unclear about my hesitation to take it to the next level??? And, if you didn't understand, you should have asked me to explain it more PLAINLY.
Secondly, I'm sorry about the extreme guilt you feel over cheating on your girlfriend, but you are an adult and you weren't forced to make those choices. More from the IM archive!
Monday, Sept 22nd, 2008:
b*********** (3:48:51 PM): i dont want to mess up our friendship/**** relationship etc!
b*********** (3:48:55 PM): you understand i am sure
b*********** (3:49:12 PM): i hope it wouldnt, but scary to take the chance...you know
stargurrl13 (3:49:35 PM): I do understand.....doesn't make it any easier for me
stargurrl13 (3:49:49 PM): ...I get kind of pouty.
stargurrl13 (3:49:56 PM): ...but I'll live
b*********** (3:50:02 PM): don't get pouty on me!
b*********** (3:50:19 PM): i would do it in a second if i didnt have a ding dong live in girlfriend....
b*********** (3:50:33 PM): i just really have to wrestle it
b*********** (3:50:51 PM): i would love to...i think about it a lot...prolly too much...you know
stargurrl13 (3:51:26 PM): it's definitely something that should be considered...there's more of a risk for you, for sure and I can totally appreciate that.
stargurrl13 (3:51:50 PM): ...I just don't want you to think I'm pressuring you in any way
b*********** (3:52:21 PM): you're not. i love it. i'm having so much fun and it really makes me smile and happy and i look forward to coming to **** and such
stargurrl13 (3:52:31 PM): same here
b*********** (3:52:42 PM): i obviously have no intention of hurting you, or c-snatch* for that matter...so that is where the brakes come in *[name changed to further protect Sugar D]
b*********** (3:53:05 PM): if we did it, then things got awkward it would just suck!!!!!
stargurrl13 (3:53:29 PM): that would suck.....
stargurrl13 (3:54:01 PM): however, I just don't see that happening....hard to explain...has to do with gut instinct....
stargurrl13 (3:54:27 PM): but things are cool the way they are, too
stargurrl13 (3:54:31 PM): very fun
b*********** (3:54:51 PM): we're gonna have to jump off that bridge when we come to it...
b*********** (3:55:09 PM): cuz i looking forward to the day we get to act all this out....
stargurrl13 (3:55:18 PM): me too!
Lest you think I only have bad feelings towards you at the moment, let me say, I will forever be grateful for the extreme kindness and tenderness you showed me during my weeks of unemployment. I do not say this lightly or as an exaggeration but, your constant attention and care during that time saved my life. And for that reason, I truly mourn the fact that you are unable to maintain your end of the bargain and remain close friends.
I think the insult to the injury was the fact you actually believe your email hurt my feelings and you think I can't imagine my life without you in it. Your email only served to raise my ire enough to publicly (while still protecting your identity) call you out about your dick-ishness. I don't know if you'll ever realize, Sugar Dick, the unjust way you've treated me, but that's truly not my concern. I kept every part of every promise I made to you and I will not apologize or feel guilty about it. My advice to you about your guilt.......Let it go!
Constant as the Northern Star,
stargurrl13
ps.......thanks for the pics!
After reading your e-mail this afternoon entitled, "Hey", I thought of a few things I wanted to clarify but decided they were best discussed out in the "open" given your propensity to misinterpret what I'm saying.....even when I go out of my way to articulately and succinctly explain what I need you to know.
I would have said some of this in my e-mail response to your finite epistle, but then my readers wouldn't have the joy of seeing what a self described "dick" you are. [for the record, I sincerely doubt you'll wander over here to read this anyway......but it will be cathartic for me, to get these things off my chest]
Firstly, from the beginning, you and I were flirtatious, to say the least. In fact, I'd go so far as to say flirting was the basis of the beginning of our friendship (please bear in mind a friendship is one of the many types of relationships, so don't flip out if, further in this letter, I refer to our association as a relationship). Before embarking on this fantastic voyage you and I have shared, I paused (as any self respecting, cautious, virgo would do) and made it a point to gain some assurance from you about my concerns the steps we were about to take could have a major impact on our fledgling friendship. Let me remind you with some dialog from our HUGE IM archive: [AND....although I'm pretty vexed at the moment, I'll continue to protect your identity, even though you don't deserve that kindness after the mistreatment you've given me over the past month]
Monday, Sept 15, 2008
stargurrl13 (3:28:52 PM): okay.....before I send this.....
b***********(3:28:59 PM): yes...
stargurrl13 (3:29:41 PM): .....I need to know things won't get "weird"....I like our rapport and don't want that to change AT ALL
stargurrl13 (3:29:45 PM): dig?
b*********** (3:29:56 PM): i dig
b*********** (3:30:06 PM): we just two wild and crazy kids...having fun
Seriously......I know it was 9 months ago, but was I unclear about my hesitation to take it to the next level??? And, if you didn't understand, you should have asked me to explain it more PLAINLY.
Secondly, I'm sorry about the extreme guilt you feel over cheating on your girlfriend, but you are an adult and you weren't forced to make those choices. More from the IM archive!
Monday, Sept 22nd, 2008:
b*********** (3:48:51 PM): i dont want to mess up our friendship/**** relationship etc!
b*********** (3:48:55 PM): you understand i am sure
b*********** (3:49:12 PM): i hope it wouldnt, but scary to take the chance...you know
stargurrl13 (3:49:35 PM): I do understand.....doesn't make it any easier for me
stargurrl13 (3:49:49 PM): ...I get kind of pouty.
stargurrl13 (3:49:56 PM): ...but I'll live
b*********** (3:50:02 PM): don't get pouty on me!
b*********** (3:50:19 PM): i would do it in a second if i didnt have a ding dong live in girlfriend....
b*********** (3:50:33 PM): i just really have to wrestle it
b*********** (3:50:51 PM): i would love to...i think about it a lot...prolly too much...you know
stargurrl13 (3:51:26 PM): it's definitely something that should be considered...there's more of a risk for you, for sure and I can totally appreciate that.
stargurrl13 (3:51:50 PM): ...I just don't want you to think I'm pressuring you in any way
b*********** (3:52:21 PM): you're not. i love it. i'm having so much fun and it really makes me smile and happy and i look forward to coming to **** and such
stargurrl13 (3:52:31 PM): same here
b*********** (3:52:42 PM): i obviously have no intention of hurting you, or c-snatch* for that matter...so that is where the brakes come in *[name changed to further protect Sugar D]
b*********** (3:53:05 PM): if we did it, then things got awkward it would just suck!!!!!
stargurrl13 (3:53:29 PM): that would suck.....
stargurrl13 (3:54:01 PM): however, I just don't see that happening....hard to explain...has to do with gut instinct....
stargurrl13 (3:54:27 PM): but things are cool the way they are, too
stargurrl13 (3:54:31 PM): very fun
b*********** (3:54:51 PM): we're gonna have to jump off that bridge when we come to it...
b*********** (3:55:09 PM): cuz i looking forward to the day we get to act all this out....
stargurrl13 (3:55:18 PM): me too!
Please notice how I expressed concern you would think I was pressuring you......and how I assured you things were cool they way they were. I won't publish the millions of times I would tell you, "I'm following your lead....as always, I take my cues from you." So.....you screwed around on your girlfriend and enjoyed it....and now you feel guilty. I don't mean to be harsh, but I don't see how it is my responsibility to keep you from feeling that guilt. This was well discussed territory between us LONG before we put any action to our "association".
Thirdly, (and related to my incredulity over your inference I'm responsible for your guilt), time and again, starting with the word document I sent you which outlined the seven points written to set you at ease about the changing nature of our "association", I have assured you my intentions were NOT to break you and c-snatch up.......in fact, I went out of my way to help keep our secrets. I mean, really, what other girl have you been with who secured a pre-determined escape route from your home in the event c-snatch should come home earlier than expected? I'm guessing NONE! [Let me take this opportunity to point out just how very lucky you are to have been "associated" with one as reasonable and non-psycho as me. You do realize, if I were so inclined, a trip to your home and a short visit with c-snatch would ensure the demise of that relationship. Again......that's not my style and something I would never do. I know you understand this.......but I did want to point it out since this open letter might appear a bit harsh to some]
Lest you think I only have bad feelings towards you at the moment, let me say, I will forever be grateful for the extreme kindness and tenderness you showed me during my weeks of unemployment. I do not say this lightly or as an exaggeration but, your constant attention and care during that time saved my life. And for that reason, I truly mourn the fact that you are unable to maintain your end of the bargain and remain close friends.
I think the insult to the injury was the fact you actually believe your email hurt my feelings and you think I can't imagine my life without you in it. Your email only served to raise my ire enough to publicly (while still protecting your identity) call you out about your dick-ishness. I don't know if you'll ever realize, Sugar Dick, the unjust way you've treated me, but that's truly not my concern. I kept every part of every promise I made to you and I will not apologize or feel guilty about it. My advice to you about your guilt.......Let it go!
Constant as the Northern Star,
stargurrl13
ps.......thanks for the pics!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
An Ode to my Facebook Status
Consolation Prize- by Heather Cook
I stand next to my opponent
Hands hovering over buzzers
-heart beating wildly in my chest-
Waiting to hear the words from your mouth
[That mouth!]
My eyes are focused on your bottom lip
-afraid I might miss something important-
My preparation for this moment is complete
My whole life a training session, leading me to this…..
I’ve passed every test imaginable
I’m eligible for the grand prize
It’s mine for the taking
All I have to do is
Beat the Clock
Buzz in first and hope for
NO WHAMMIES!
The anticipation takes the air from my chest
Your mouth starts to move…..
WHAT?!?
All I can hear is “thump-thump, thump-thump”
And I am blissfully oblivious
As she beats me to the punch
But….I have a lifetime supply of rice-a-roni
[and you are the Biggest Loser]
I stand next to my opponent
Hands hovering over buzzers
-heart beating wildly in my chest-
Waiting to hear the words from your mouth
[That mouth!]
My eyes are focused on your bottom lip
-afraid I might miss something important-
My preparation for this moment is complete
My whole life a training session, leading me to this…..
I’ve passed every test imaginable
I’m eligible for the grand prize
It’s mine for the taking
All I have to do is
Beat the Clock
Buzz in first and hope for
NO WHAMMIES!
The anticipation takes the air from my chest
Your mouth starts to move…..
WHAT?!?
All I can hear is “thump-thump, thump-thump”
And I am blissfully oblivious
As she beats me to the punch
But….I have a lifetime supply of rice-a-roni
[and you are the Biggest Loser]
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Fatally Flawed?
My mother used to say, "There are girls you date and there are girls you marry". I knew what she was trying to convey, but I'm not talking about sex when I make the statement: I'm the girl one dates. I'm not even sure I'd ever want to marry, but I seriously wonder if it's just something about me which makes men pass me over for someone else. I've presented my theory on Psycho Girls and I thought for awhile the reason I kept losing the guy to some other girl was because I didn't have it in me to be the "psycho".......but there HAS to be at least one single man out there who doesn't want the theatrics and the drama!
I'll be the first to admit I'm fiercely independent and somewhat solitary BUT that only goes so far as an explanation. Maybe I'm being too generous with my assessment of my loner tendencies, but I don't feel it's so extreme to the point of my not being able to have a "normal" relationship. And yes.....I realize I'm notorious for attracting men who are unavailable because they have a girlfriend or even a fiancee, but I don't purposely seek out those who aren't available and I certainly don't have any special power that makes them attracted to me (not that I'm aware of anyway, but there's something about me they find appealing).
So I've been thinking a lot this past week about WHY I'm not the kind of girl it appears so many men want. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to figure it out but I have learned a lot about how my beliefs and desire for consistency affect my life.
I believe in predestination.......or destiny, fate.....whatever you want to call it. I feel a relationship (as with all things in life) will happen if it's meant to be. This is the sole reason I simply cannot be the Psycho Girl. If I have to resort to histrionics to "keep my man" it's just not right. If I have to manipulate a situation like that, I feel it's manufactured and unnatural. And, if I resort to those tactics once, in order to keep my man, will I have to do it every time? Isn't that type of behavior in direct contradiction with my beliefs and personal life philosophy?
But......at what point do I become the fatalist? Am I losing out because I fail to act at the crucial moment by declaring my feelings and making my wants known? There's a fine line and I struggle to find the balance and remain true to myself and what I believe. I can only be myself. I believe this with all my heart and soul and don't want to compromise.
This will likely be a struggle which will continue in my brain.....trying to reconcile both wants and needs with my personal beliefs.
But at the end of the day, regardless of my consistency, losing sucks..........and really hurts.
I'll be the first to admit I'm fiercely independent and somewhat solitary BUT that only goes so far as an explanation. Maybe I'm being too generous with my assessment of my loner tendencies, but I don't feel it's so extreme to the point of my not being able to have a "normal" relationship. And yes.....I realize I'm notorious for attracting men who are unavailable because they have a girlfriend or even a fiancee, but I don't purposely seek out those who aren't available and I certainly don't have any special power that makes them attracted to me (not that I'm aware of anyway, but there's something about me they find appealing).
So I've been thinking a lot this past week about WHY I'm not the kind of girl it appears so many men want. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to figure it out but I have learned a lot about how my beliefs and desire for consistency affect my life.
I believe in predestination.......or destiny, fate.....whatever you want to call it. I feel a relationship (as with all things in life) will happen if it's meant to be. This is the sole reason I simply cannot be the Psycho Girl. If I have to resort to histrionics to "keep my man" it's just not right. If I have to manipulate a situation like that, I feel it's manufactured and unnatural. And, if I resort to those tactics once, in order to keep my man, will I have to do it every time? Isn't that type of behavior in direct contradiction with my beliefs and personal life philosophy?
But......at what point do I become the fatalist? Am I losing out because I fail to act at the crucial moment by declaring my feelings and making my wants known? There's a fine line and I struggle to find the balance and remain true to myself and what I believe. I can only be myself. I believe this with all my heart and soul and don't want to compromise.
This will likely be a struggle which will continue in my brain.....trying to reconcile both wants and needs with my personal beliefs.
But at the end of the day, regardless of my consistency, losing sucks..........and really hurts.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Drumroll, Please...........
After 11 long weeks of unemployment, I'm happy to let everyone know I'll be re-joining the ranks of the employed next Monday!
I don't know what my exact job title will be, but from what I can tell, I'll be managing (or helping to manage) a small accounting office. It's certainly not the kind of job I ever imagined myself doing, but I'm so grateful for the opportunity.
Unemployment has really opened my eyes to lots of things I thought I was aware of and compassionate about already. No longer will I look at a homeless person and assume they just want to beg for money on a street corner in order to buy their next drink. Although I didn't have to give up my home as a result of unemployment, I came too close for comfort and it was such a scary thing! It only takes one bad break to start the ball rolling towards homelessness......and once you no longer have an address or personal phone it becomes just that much more difficult to secure employment......let alone unemployment benefits.
Last Monday I received 2 job rejections and found out my landlord had sold the house in which I live. The company who let me go was fighting my claim for unemployment and I didn't have enough money to pay my rent and bills for the month of December.............it was rock bottom for me. The person who has been my constant voice of reason throughout this whole roller coaster of unemployment took the brunt of meltdown.........he let me flip out and then he brought it all back to perspective by just saying, "breathe in, breathe out.....relax......nobody has died". Exactly! This poor guy has seriously spent 11 weeks of 8 hour IM conversations keeping me sane, keeping my spirits up, keeping me entertained, encouraging me and giving perspective when desperately needed. He should be made a saint because it wasn't a walk in the park! I will love him dearly forever because of his kindness and friendship.
I know I mentioned this in a previous blog, but all those who have kept the encouragement coming through this blog and on facebook.....Thank you so much!!!!!!!!! Those words seem so inadequate to express the gratitude I feel for the wonderful friends I have.......willing to take me to dinner, let me come over and just chill, sending me daily messages of encouragement and prayers.
I'm so blessed!
I'm so employed!
I don't know what my exact job title will be, but from what I can tell, I'll be managing (or helping to manage) a small accounting office. It's certainly not the kind of job I ever imagined myself doing, but I'm so grateful for the opportunity.
Unemployment has really opened my eyes to lots of things I thought I was aware of and compassionate about already. No longer will I look at a homeless person and assume they just want to beg for money on a street corner in order to buy their next drink. Although I didn't have to give up my home as a result of unemployment, I came too close for comfort and it was such a scary thing! It only takes one bad break to start the ball rolling towards homelessness......and once you no longer have an address or personal phone it becomes just that much more difficult to secure employment......let alone unemployment benefits.
Last Monday I received 2 job rejections and found out my landlord had sold the house in which I live. The company who let me go was fighting my claim for unemployment and I didn't have enough money to pay my rent and bills for the month of December.............it was rock bottom for me. The person who has been my constant voice of reason throughout this whole roller coaster of unemployment took the brunt of meltdown.........he let me flip out and then he brought it all back to perspective by just saying, "breathe in, breathe out.....relax......nobody has died". Exactly! This poor guy has seriously spent 11 weeks of 8 hour IM conversations keeping me sane, keeping my spirits up, keeping me entertained, encouraging me and giving perspective when desperately needed. He should be made a saint because it wasn't a walk in the park! I will love him dearly forever because of his kindness and friendship.
I know I mentioned this in a previous blog, but all those who have kept the encouragement coming through this blog and on facebook.....Thank you so much!!!!!!!!! Those words seem so inadequate to express the gratitude I feel for the wonderful friends I have.......willing to take me to dinner, let me come over and just chill, sending me daily messages of encouragement and prayers.
I'm so blessed!
I'm so employed!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Accentuating the Positive
It's that time of year where so many people are writing "end of the year" blogs and lists. Let me be the first to say, "I'm ready to see 2008 to the door!" and have nothing but warm welcome for 2009. I'm expecting a better year. Shouldn't be too hard to meet that expectation as the bar is so low if it's based solely on 2008.
But, even though I'm not sad to see this year come to a quiet close, I feel I should mention the good things that happened in 2008.
Traveling to the Atlantic coast in both North and South Carolina......such beautiful places! Having grown up in a land-locked state, I love to see and hear the ocean any chance I get.
Watching my oldest nephew, Tyler, graduate from high school. He's such a fine young man and I'm so proud of him!
Being true to my word and ending a seven-year relationship because it was no longer the right thing for me.
So many good times with friends.....and usually involving karaoke!
So much good music in the world........it really does lift my mood to listen to music I love! I'm glad to have discovered Julia Nunes and Ingrid Michaleson this year. I'm also glad that Zooey Deschanel is part of the duo, She & Him. I love her voice and am glad to hear more from her!!
I'm happy to have discovered Josh "the Ponceman" Perry and his YouTube serial, The Retarded Policeman. Before you jump to conclusions based on the title of the show, you need to go HERE to read my previous blog about this incredible actor who never fails to put a smile on my face and laughter on my lips! So important to me these days!
Meeting Sugar D......I had no idea how important he would turn out to be, but he has been my northern star which constantly helps me navigate the ups and downs of my journey through unemployment.
I'm healthy and happy.
My parents came to my rescue and helped me by paying for much needed car repairs and don't expect me to pay them back until I'm back on my feet again........thank God for parents who love unconditionally and who will always be Poppy and Lovey Mom for me no matter how old I get!
All of the sweet and marvelous things my friends have said and done for me the last few weeks. I hate to name people because I will probably leave someone out and I don't want to make anyone mad.....but I want to mention a few! Jessica, Jessican, Rebeckah, Kelly, Holly, Amy, Andy, Jeff, Shannen and Sugar D for checking on me on a regular basis and giving me encouragement!
There are so many peeps on Facebook who have been so very encouraging.....because there are too many to name, you can go HERE and look at them if you like.
So......that's my short but very important list of good things from 2008. Let the countdown to 2009 begin!
But, even though I'm not sad to see this year come to a quiet close, I feel I should mention the good things that happened in 2008.
Traveling to the Atlantic coast in both North and South Carolina......such beautiful places! Having grown up in a land-locked state, I love to see and hear the ocean any chance I get.
Watching my oldest nephew, Tyler, graduate from high school. He's such a fine young man and I'm so proud of him!
Being true to my word and ending a seven-year relationship because it was no longer the right thing for me.
So many good times with friends.....and usually involving karaoke!
So much good music in the world........it really does lift my mood to listen to music I love! I'm glad to have discovered Julia Nunes and Ingrid Michaleson this year. I'm also glad that Zooey Deschanel is part of the duo, She & Him. I love her voice and am glad to hear more from her!!
I'm happy to have discovered Josh "the Ponceman" Perry and his YouTube serial, The Retarded Policeman. Before you jump to conclusions based on the title of the show, you need to go HERE to read my previous blog about this incredible actor who never fails to put a smile on my face and laughter on my lips! So important to me these days!
Meeting Sugar D......I had no idea how important he would turn out to be, but he has been my northern star which constantly helps me navigate the ups and downs of my journey through unemployment.
I'm healthy and happy.
My parents came to my rescue and helped me by paying for much needed car repairs and don't expect me to pay them back until I'm back on my feet again........thank God for parents who love unconditionally and who will always be Poppy and Lovey Mom for me no matter how old I get!
All of the sweet and marvelous things my friends have said and done for me the last few weeks. I hate to name people because I will probably leave someone out and I don't want to make anyone mad.....but I want to mention a few! Jessica, Jessican, Rebeckah, Kelly, Holly, Amy, Andy, Jeff, Shannen and Sugar D for checking on me on a regular basis and giving me encouragement!
There are so many peeps on Facebook who have been so very encouraging.....because there are too many to name, you can go HERE and look at them if you like.
So......that's my short but very important list of good things from 2008. Let the countdown to 2009 begin!
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