Fatally Flawed?

My mother used to say, "There are girls you date and there are girls you marry". I knew what she was trying to convey, but I'm not talking about sex when I make the statement: I'm the girl one dates. I'm not even sure I'd ever want to marry, but I seriously wonder if it's just something about me which makes men pass me over for someone else. I've presented my theory on Psycho Girls and I thought for awhile the reason I kept losing the guy to some other girl was because I didn't have it in me to be the "psycho".......but there HAS to be at least one single man out there who doesn't want the theatrics and the drama!

I'll be the first to admit I'm fiercely independent and somewhat solitary BUT that only goes so far as an explanation. Maybe I'm being too generous with my assessment of my loner tendencies, but I don't feel it's so extreme to the point of my not being able to have a "normal" relationship. And yes.....I realize I'm notorious for attracting men who are unavailable because they have a girlfriend or even a fiancee, but I don't purposely seek out those who aren't available and I certainly don't have any special power that makes them attracted to me (not that I'm aware of anyway, but there's something about me they find appealing).

So I've been thinking a lot this past week about WHY I'm not the kind of girl it appears so many men want. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to figure it out but I have learned a lot about how my beliefs and desire for consistency affect my life.

I believe in predestination.......or destiny, fate.....whatever you want to call it. I feel a relationship (as with all things in life) will happen if it's meant to be. This is the sole reason I simply cannot be the Psycho Girl. If I have to resort to histrionics to "keep my man" it's just not right. If I have to manipulate a situation like that, I feel it's manufactured and unnatural. And, if I resort to those tactics once, in order to keep my man, will I have to do it every time? Isn't that type of behavior in direct contradiction with my beliefs and personal life philosophy?

But......at what point do I become the fatalist? Am I losing out because I fail to act at the crucial moment by declaring my feelings and making my wants known? There's a fine line and I struggle to find the balance and remain true to myself and what I believe. I can only be myself. I believe this with all my heart and soul and don't want to compromise.

This will likely be a struggle which will continue in my brain.....trying to reconcile both wants and needs with my personal beliefs.

But at the end of the day, regardless of my consistency, losing sucks..........and really hurts.

Tagged!

I've been tagged by Jess at Overflowing Bookshelf to reveal 9 Random Facts about myself. Nine is a random number......I might do more, though.

Random Fact # 1: I do NOT like blue ink! I will go out of my way to find a black ink pen to avoid using blue. I have no real problem with other colors of ink although I won't use anything other than black if it's something for work.

Random Fact # 2: I can wrap my hair around my nose. I know it seems like I would have discovered this talent while in college after consuming adult beverages, but no......I was in the 7th grade.

Random Fact # 3: I know all the words to the Swedish Chef Song from the Muppet Show and can sing it for you the next time I see you ; )

Random Fact # 4: I love bald and balding men. I don't care if you shave your head or you lose your hair because of genetics, bald is beautiful.

Random Fact # 5: I don't watch television, but that's misleading. I don't watch an actual television, but if it's available on Netflix Instant Viewing or the whole season of a TV series is available on DVD, I'll watch it.....I just don't like to be tied to the TV and a show's time slot. I want to be able to watch when I have the time and walk away from it when I don't without feeling like I'm missing episodes.

Random Fact # 6: My first job was as a ball shagger at Southern Hills Country Club in Tulsa. I was shameless when it came to soliciting members of the club to hire me for their tennis games.....you'd be surprised (or maybe not) at how many "repectable" men of the community will jump through hoops when a tan, skinny, teenaged girl says, "Shag your balls, only five bucks an hour." It was a fun summer and I really did just chase after errant tennis balls. (I'm so glad I don't have any daughters!)

Random Fact # 7: I believe in predestination or destiny. Nothing happens by accident.

Random Fact # 8: I have an irrational fear that people will think I'm lazy, so I always have lots of projects and hobbies going at the same time.

Random Fact # 9: I was born on Monday, September 13th and my favorite day of the week is Monday and my favorite number is 13.....coincidence? I think not!

Random Fact # 10: My favorite book is "Alas, Babylon" by Pat Frank. I've probably read it 30 times since high school.


Those are my random facts. Play along, if you like, and post some random facts about yourself.