I Must be Doing Something Right

They say if you have haters, you're doing something right. I must have inadvertently stumbled into this because I'm not trying to do anything. And yet, over the past 6 months, I've had to deal with some crazy stuff. Specifically, it's jealous women who keep trying to either bring drama into my peaceful existence or to intimidate me into ceasing contact with a guy they like.

Bitches be crazy when it comes to a guy they like. Seriously......I've been through junior high once and I'm not nostalgic for it at all.

Besides being incredibly annoyed by having psycho girls delete me from a friend's account or send me unsolicited messages or blatantly telling me to "STOP" on a friend's facebook wall, I'm utterly perplexed by why others tolerate such childish and insane behavior. If this is what men look for in a partner, count me out!

These girls need to have some respect as females and act with a bit of grace and decorum.....even when it's difficult. Don't think that I didn't come up with a dozen catty responses to post.....the difference is, I know that's not my style and it wouldn't garner any result that I'd want so I kept them to myself. Life is all about choices and I'm trying my damnedest to choose a wise path.

Yes, I've lost guys to many of these psycho girls over the years, but when it's said and done, if that's the kind of girl they like, (to quote Bob Dylan) "It ain't me you're looking for, babe".

An Open Letter the The Universe

Vast Universe,

I feel I have been more than patient with you over the last quarter of a century but now I am giving formal notice of my absolute and total disgust over the blatantly unfair treatment you've given me with continuing to send me unavailables or those who were destined to become unavailables. For the first decade, I didn't realize what was happening was the beginning of a cruel pattern, but the last 5 years have made it painfully clear and I'm OVER IT!

I know there are 2 sides to every relationship story and ours is no different. I realize my temperament and practicality make me a much easier target for this sort of thing, but how you have behaved is unacceptable. When I realized you were toying with me, I quit speaking to you in the hopes that you would see the error of your ways and back off. When that didn't work, I made a clean break with you and posted exactly what I was looking for and I think I was more than clear about that when I wrote my personal ad. Seriously.......was that unclear?!?!? NO, it wasn't.

It wasn't enough that you sent me dozens of unavailable men over the last 25 years, you had to up your meanness ante and start sending available men who actually pursued me only to pull the rug out from under me as I let my guard down and they choose someone else. Seriously....WTF?

Bollocks! Shenanigans! Shame on you!!!!

As I've said, I've been more than patient and fair with you but you refuse to neither cut me a break nor leave me alone so I have no choice but to publicly let you know that I will be fighting back. You may not be concerned as I'm so level-headed and incapable of playing the part of the psycho-girl, but be warned. I'm coming for you and hell's coming with me!

Sincerely,
Me

I Took the Road Less Traveled (IMO)

A year ago I posted a blog about my "Psycho Girl Theory", a problem which has perplexed me for years. [follow the hyperlink to read my "theory"]

Because of my inability to manifest any incarnation of the "psycho girl" I felt there were instances (several, in fact) where I lost the guy. Don't get me wrong.......deep down, I really believe if a man is capable of caving in the face of histrionics (or incapable of resiting it), he's NOT the man for me.

It is with extreme tentativeness I write this blog but, [drum roll, please] after almost 9 years of taking the high road, minding my p's and q's and conducting myself in a manner in which I can always look myself in the mirror and know I was true to what I believe to my very core.......brace yourselves.......it appears I have beaten the psycho girl.

Despite all the distractions (ahem....other men) which have entered my life in the last 18 months, I found myself returning to one I never intended to see after the night we met. Almost 9 years later and I really, really can't ignore the easy, comfortable connection I have with this man.

I'm not sure what the future holds for me where he is concerned, but for the first time, I feel like I have a chance. And, although I can't fake some sort of infantile fit to secure a man's affections, I have learned to not be so passive with revealing my feelings.

So.....here it is for the blogosphere: I really, really like this man and want him to be in my life as long as possible. Sorry, if you were expecting a declaration of love. I do love him in many ways, but prefer to keep those revelations between he and I.....he's just that important to me and I've been wrong to not freely admit it.

WHEW! I feel much better now with the record having been set straight! If anyone is interested in my Soul Mate Theory, you can read about it HERE

Another One Bites the Dust!

I don't recall if I've blogged here about a certain quartet of men who have made hasty choices where marriage is concerned. BUT, if you're friends with me on Facebook, you've certainly seen frustrated posts about it there.

Here's the scoop. Within 4 months, all 4 of these men have either gotten engaged or married to women with whom they constantly fight and complain about their psycho ways. The first one to marry, stayed in that marriage only 2 months before realizing he had made a huge error and decided to cut his losses and leave. The second to tie the knot revealed this week he'll be doing the same.............sheesh! What compels men to marry these psycho-bitches?!? The third has just recently married, so I'll give it a generous 9 months before it implodes.

And, the 4th......well, he isn't married yet. I'm holding out hope for him. In fact, I'm thinking of staging an intervention. I mean, honestly, I just don't understand why this happens!

I have all sorts of theories about why this happens, but I don't want to throw them out for public consumption, yet. I just needed to vent and get it off my chest...........and lest you think I'm placing the blame on the men, go up to the search field at the top and type in "psycho girl theory" to read my rant about the behavior of some women.

Here's one thing that's certain: If I have to act crazy and throw fits to keep a man, COUNT ME OUT! There have been plenty of times I could have cut some other girl's game by starting drama, but I'm far too practical and SANE to do anything like that.

This madness has to STOP!

Fatally Flawed?

My mother used to say, "There are girls you date and there are girls you marry". I knew what she was trying to convey, but I'm not talking about sex when I make the statement: I'm the girl one dates. I'm not even sure I'd ever want to marry, but I seriously wonder if it's just something about me which makes men pass me over for someone else. I've presented my theory on Psycho Girls and I thought for awhile the reason I kept losing the guy to some other girl was because I didn't have it in me to be the "psycho".......but there HAS to be at least one single man out there who doesn't want the theatrics and the drama!

I'll be the first to admit I'm fiercely independent and somewhat solitary BUT that only goes so far as an explanation. Maybe I'm being too generous with my assessment of my loner tendencies, but I don't feel it's so extreme to the point of my not being able to have a "normal" relationship. And yes.....I realize I'm notorious for attracting men who are unavailable because they have a girlfriend or even a fiancee, but I don't purposely seek out those who aren't available and I certainly don't have any special power that makes them attracted to me (not that I'm aware of anyway, but there's something about me they find appealing).

So I've been thinking a lot this past week about WHY I'm not the kind of girl it appears so many men want. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to figure it out but I have learned a lot about how my beliefs and desire for consistency affect my life.

I believe in predestination.......or destiny, fate.....whatever you want to call it. I feel a relationship (as with all things in life) will happen if it's meant to be. This is the sole reason I simply cannot be the Psycho Girl. If I have to resort to histrionics to "keep my man" it's just not right. If I have to manipulate a situation like that, I feel it's manufactured and unnatural. And, if I resort to those tactics once, in order to keep my man, will I have to do it every time? Isn't that type of behavior in direct contradiction with my beliefs and personal life philosophy?

But......at what point do I become the fatalist? Am I losing out because I fail to act at the crucial moment by declaring my feelings and making my wants known? There's a fine line and I struggle to find the balance and remain true to myself and what I believe. I can only be myself. I believe this with all my heart and soul and don't want to compromise.

This will likely be a struggle which will continue in my brain.....trying to reconcile both wants and needs with my personal beliefs.

But at the end of the day, regardless of my consistency, losing sucks..........and really hurts.

Psycho Girl Theory....a work in progress!

Between being born under the sign of Virgo and being born to a mother who was wise enough to teach me how to focus my neurotic, Virgo ways for the best, I've become a master at controlling my emotions and reactions.

I've never been one to "make a scene"...especially when it comes to men, and for years I've been trying to understand why so many men stay in relationships with women who are psychotic and jealous and constantly raise a ruckus over the littlest things.

I blame my inability to be the “psycho girl” on my Virgo sensibilities.

Let me site an example from junior high. Imagine with me, if you will.....it's Friday night and you're hanging out with all your friends at the football game. You're waiting for your steady guy and he's nowhere to be found. Later that evening, you see him sitting on the visitor's side with a girl who's a year older. After summoning some major courage, you walk past, making sure he sees you and then it happens.....he chases you down and tells you it's over.....he won't be calling anymore.

It just seems logical to me; if a guy tells you he's not going to call you anymore, there's no need to let him see you cry, even if you go home and weep into your pillow all night. It may hurt you to the very core, but does one really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? [Logically, no, but the heart is not an organ that deals in logic.] I can site example, after example of girls I know....women, even....who, when faced with a circumstance like this, will turn on the tears and throw a hissy fit. And guess what?!? I'd say about 69% of the time.......it works! She ends up with the guy.

Really?!? Where's my reward for taking the high-road all these years? I'll tell you where......he's out on a date with the girl who acts crazy, that's where.

I've seriously wondered about this for years and I had a really good theory going about why and how this tactic works. I had convinced myself this works because most guys don't want to deal with the drama so they do whatever they can to make it stop. In the case of my junior high example, he gets back together with the girl and the drama stops. BUT, what if there's something about the passionate display of emotion which speaks to a man's ego and he thinks to himself, "If she's willing to act like this because of me......WOW, she must really like me and would stick by me through anything!" [okay.......I know that's a long shot, but what if?!? ]

I'm the first to admit I'm unconventional when it comes to men but, I'm at a point in my life where I'm not sure what direction my life is taking. The one thing I know is what I've had up to this point hasn't been enough to satisfy me. My level-headed, Virgo mind is telling me to keep an even keel and proceed like always, don't rock the boat, mind my p's and q's........but it just doesn't seem like the right course at this time. I mean, if I keep doing the same thing, I shouldn't expect different results, right?

To further compound this frustrating conundrum, is my belief that nothing happens by accident. If something is meant to be, it will happen.....regardless of how I react. So, I find myself in the odd position of wanting to speak up for what I want in the situation but not knowing how to balance it with what my head tells me is the logical path to take.

In an effort to try and sort all this out, I've been experimenting with “acting out” a bit when faced with the need to defend what I want in a situation instead of following my tried and true, never-let-em-see-you-sweat, cards to the vest approach. Don't get me wrong.....I'll still never be the psycho girl, but I won't hide the passion I feel in a situation. I'm still trying to find my balance, but the few times I've tried my new-found, passionate voice, the results have been exactly what I wanted.

It doesn't escape my notice how this new theory seriously changes parts of my life philosophy, but I don't want to behave and silence my heart any longer. Isn't something worth having worth fighting for?

So, I'm not going gently into that good night.....not without a little rage against the dying of the light!