Almost 9 years ago, I broke up with someone. We'll call him Doofus for the purpose of this blog. Our relationship started with friendship and progressed to something more......and then turned TOXIC!
I won't go into all of the sordid details of our years together, but will divluge that when the dust setteled, one of us was on our way to federal prison and the other had an FBI file.
Doofus had a very careless upbringing and had no idea what it was to be loved or liked unconditionally. He had no way to understand how one could dislike a person's actions but still like the person. This caused many problems throughout the time we were together and I always told him, "Doofus, no matter what happens....no matter where you go or what you do...I'll be there for you." I really meant it. In the 9 years since we split and he moved out of state, we have kept in touch and remained civil......or "friends" for lack of a more appropriate word.
Two weeks ago, Doofus called and told me he was thinking of moving back to Oklahoma. [WHAT?!?............WHY?!?] I was in a panic. Then he asked if he could stay with me until he found a place to live. [SERIOUSLY?!?.........WHY?!?] In that moment, I realized something. I was capable of being his friend only because we didn't live in the same state. When faced with the reality of his moving back, I remembered all of the shitty things he had done to me and knew I couldn't let him back into my everyday life.
I made an excuse as to why he couldn't stay with me and then my brain shut down. "If I don't think about it, it's not really happening", I though to myself.
Ha! Not so!!!
Doofus called yesterday and asked if I could pick him up from the airport on Sunday. Luckily, I am going to be tied up all weekend AND my car is broken down [no lie!], so I didn't have to make up any excuses. When he asked what I was doing, I told him it was regional finals for Talent Quest and I'd be stuck at the bar all weekend.
He said, "What's Talent Quest?" [REALLY?!?]
That single question just shows how much he doesn't know me anymore! I've been involved with Talent Quest for almost 7 years in some capacity and most of my friends have either heard about it or are involved with it, too.
Then he said, "Well, maybe I'll come by the bar after I get in a hang out with you......what bar is it?" [HONESTLY?!?] Not only does he not know what Talent Quest is, but he doesn't know about Don Quixote's and the role it has played in my life over the past 8 years..........he's seriously out of touch and doesn't even know it.
He doesn't know my best friend, Jessica. He doesn't believe most of my friends would stand in line to beat his ass. He doesn't even know the youngest four of my nieces and nephews....not their names, their ages or which of my siblings they belong to. He only knows what I've shown him over the past 9 years.
Unconditional friendship.
But, I'm not so sure he'll see it that way when he arrives in Oklahoma and I won't hang out with him........I just can't allow him back into my life on a daily basis. It doesn't mean I don't care about him. It just means I have to care about myself and my sanity FIRST.
I will NOT make the same mistakes twice.......it just sucks being forced into this position.
WISH ME LUCK!!!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Why I'll Never Run for Public Office
I love John Edwards. Even after he confirmed his affair, I still love John Edwards. I know he's not the first person to cheat on a spouse and he certainly won't be the last, but, "What was he thinking?!?"
After two bids to gain the democratic nomination, he should be well aware that he is a public figure. Even I know enough about politics and the scrutinization of public figures to know I could never run for any sort of public office. Five minutes snooping around in my private life would give any opponent enough dirt to ensure my loss and embarass my family.
I really could care less about the affair, but he has destroyed any credibility he once had. Even his campaign to end poverty in America will suffer and possibly end because of this mistake. He lost his speaking engagement at the Democratic National Convention and probably all hope for a cabinet spot when Obama is elected.........what a colossal waste.
I cartainly hope she was a good piece of ass. I somehow doubt, in retrospect, he still thinks it was worth it. And don't even get me started on this group of women who don't have enough respect for themselves to say "no" to men who are percieved as "powerful". Make no mistake, I'm all for a woman having sex with whomever she chooses, but really.....ask Monica Lewinski...."how did that work out for you?"
I'd rather be famous than infamous.
And, to Mr Edwards I say, "Bad, bad!"
After two bids to gain the democratic nomination, he should be well aware that he is a public figure. Even I know enough about politics and the scrutinization of public figures to know I could never run for any sort of public office. Five minutes snooping around in my private life would give any opponent enough dirt to ensure my loss and embarass my family.
I really could care less about the affair, but he has destroyed any credibility he once had. Even his campaign to end poverty in America will suffer and possibly end because of this mistake. He lost his speaking engagement at the Democratic National Convention and probably all hope for a cabinet spot when Obama is elected.........what a colossal waste.
I cartainly hope she was a good piece of ass. I somehow doubt, in retrospect, he still thinks it was worth it. And don't even get me started on this group of women who don't have enough respect for themselves to say "no" to men who are percieved as "powerful". Make no mistake, I'm all for a woman having sex with whomever she chooses, but really.....ask Monica Lewinski...."how did that work out for you?"
I'd rather be famous than infamous.
And, to Mr Edwards I say, "Bad, bad!"
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Sometimes you've gotta break the rules....
If I've said it once, I've said it a million times. I'm a virgo and a planner. I can't help it...I thrive under structure and order in most areas of my life. Even when my desk is messy and apprears unorganized, it's not. I know exactly where everything is, so I guess it's organized chaos.
Growing up, my parents weren't heavy handed with rules. There were basic "house rules" for keeping order and giving respect to all those who lived there, but for the most part, we were given all the freedom we deserved and rules and boundaries were put in place if we did something to warrant their placement. It was a very happy and loving way to grow up and I'll always be greatful to my parents for their wise parenting (which continues to this day, I might add).
I've kindof adopted the same policy for my own life. I'm free to do what I want, but when there needs to be more structure, I will implement my own rules. I don't know.....maybe everyone does this, but I've never really heard any of my friends talk about it so I think I may be alone on this one.
One of the areas where I seem to have the most rules is in regards to relationships with men.
Here are some of the rules I've implemented over the years:
- No workplace relationships
- No latin american macho men
- No dating a man I've met in a bar
- No blind dates
-No dating a man who lives with his parents
-No dating a man who doesn't have a job or a car
- No giving out of phone number or address until I know whether or not a guy
is crazy (saves me the trouble of a restraining order later)
There are several more, but I think you get the idea. Each rule was put in place after the end of a disasterous experience with the opposite sex.
I'll be the first to admit it....I'm a terrible person to date. I'm far too aloof and fiercely independent- two things many men find intimidating. But lately, I've been playing around with the idea that maybe some of these rules are no longer applicable (not necessarily the ones I've listed) and should at least be broken and maybe eliminated.....depending on how the initial breaking of the rules goes.
This experiment is a work in progress, so I'll most likely be blogging about it again in the future. I've already broken one of my rules and I'm still processing the outcome. On the whole, it was a delightful departure for me, but the proof will be in the aftermath.
I wait for the dust to settle.........
(to be continued)
Growing up, my parents weren't heavy handed with rules. There were basic "house rules" for keeping order and giving respect to all those who lived there, but for the most part, we were given all the freedom we deserved and rules and boundaries were put in place if we did something to warrant their placement. It was a very happy and loving way to grow up and I'll always be greatful to my parents for their wise parenting (which continues to this day, I might add).
I've kindof adopted the same policy for my own life. I'm free to do what I want, but when there needs to be more structure, I will implement my own rules. I don't know.....maybe everyone does this, but I've never really heard any of my friends talk about it so I think I may be alone on this one.
One of the areas where I seem to have the most rules is in regards to relationships with men.
Here are some of the rules I've implemented over the years:
- No workplace relationships
- No latin american macho men
- No dating a man I've met in a bar
- No blind dates
-No dating a man who lives with his parents
-No dating a man who doesn't have a job or a car
- No giving out of phone number or address until I know whether or not a guy
is crazy (saves me the trouble of a restraining order later)
There are several more, but I think you get the idea. Each rule was put in place after the end of a disasterous experience with the opposite sex.
I'll be the first to admit it....I'm a terrible person to date. I'm far too aloof and fiercely independent- two things many men find intimidating. But lately, I've been playing around with the idea that maybe some of these rules are no longer applicable (not necessarily the ones I've listed) and should at least be broken and maybe eliminated.....depending on how the initial breaking of the rules goes.
This experiment is a work in progress, so I'll most likely be blogging about it again in the future. I've already broken one of my rules and I'm still processing the outcome. On the whole, it was a delightful departure for me, but the proof will be in the aftermath.
I wait for the dust to settle.........
(to be continued)
Monday, August 4, 2008
Tagged!
I've been tagged by Jess at Overflowing Bookshelf to reveal 9 Random Facts about myself. Nine is a random number......I might do more, though.
Random Fact # 1: I do NOT like blue ink! I will go out of my way to find a black ink pen to avoid using blue. I have no real problem with other colors of ink although I won't use anything other than black if it's something for work.
Random Fact # 2: I can wrap my hair around my nose. I know it seems like I would have discovered this talent while in college after consuming adult beverages, but no......I was in the 7th grade.
Random Fact # 3: I know all the words to the Swedish Chef Song from the Muppet Show and can sing it for you the next time I see you ; )
Random Fact # 4: I love bald and balding men. I don't care if you shave your head or you lose your hair because of genetics, bald is beautiful.
Random Fact # 5: I don't watch television, but that's misleading. I don't watch an actual television, but if it's available on Netflix Instant Viewing or the whole season of a TV series is available on DVD, I'll watch it.....I just don't like to be tied to the TV and a show's time slot. I want to be able to watch when I have the time and walk away from it when I don't without feeling like I'm missing episodes.
Random Fact # 6: My first job was as a ball shagger at Southern Hills Country Club in Tulsa. I was shameless when it came to soliciting members of the club to hire me for their tennis games.....you'd be surprised (or maybe not) at how many "repectable" men of the community will jump through hoops when a tan, skinny, teenaged girl says, "Shag your balls, only five bucks an hour." It was a fun summer and I really did just chase after errant tennis balls. (I'm so glad I don't have any daughters!)
Random Fact # 7: I believe in predestination or destiny. Nothing happens by accident.
Random Fact # 8: I have an irrational fear that people will think I'm lazy, so I always have lots of projects and hobbies going at the same time.
Random Fact # 9: I was born on Monday, September 13th and my favorite day of the week is Monday and my favorite number is 13.....coincidence? I think not!
Random Fact # 10: My favorite book is "Alas, Babylon" by Pat Frank. I've probably read it 30 times since high school.
Those are my random facts. Play along, if you like, and post some random facts about yourself.
Random Fact # 1: I do NOT like blue ink! I will go out of my way to find a black ink pen to avoid using blue. I have no real problem with other colors of ink although I won't use anything other than black if it's something for work.
Random Fact # 2: I can wrap my hair around my nose. I know it seems like I would have discovered this talent while in college after consuming adult beverages, but no......I was in the 7th grade.
Random Fact # 3: I know all the words to the Swedish Chef Song from the Muppet Show and can sing it for you the next time I see you ; )
Random Fact # 4: I love bald and balding men. I don't care if you shave your head or you lose your hair because of genetics, bald is beautiful.
Random Fact # 5: I don't watch television, but that's misleading. I don't watch an actual television, but if it's available on Netflix Instant Viewing or the whole season of a TV series is available on DVD, I'll watch it.....I just don't like to be tied to the TV and a show's time slot. I want to be able to watch when I have the time and walk away from it when I don't without feeling like I'm missing episodes.
Random Fact # 6: My first job was as a ball shagger at Southern Hills Country Club in Tulsa. I was shameless when it came to soliciting members of the club to hire me for their tennis games.....you'd be surprised (or maybe not) at how many "repectable" men of the community will jump through hoops when a tan, skinny, teenaged girl says, "Shag your balls, only five bucks an hour." It was a fun summer and I really did just chase after errant tennis balls. (I'm so glad I don't have any daughters!)
Random Fact # 7: I believe in predestination or destiny. Nothing happens by accident.
Random Fact # 8: I have an irrational fear that people will think I'm lazy, so I always have lots of projects and hobbies going at the same time.
Random Fact # 9: I was born on Monday, September 13th and my favorite day of the week is Monday and my favorite number is 13.....coincidence? I think not!
Random Fact # 10: My favorite book is "Alas, Babylon" by Pat Frank. I've probably read it 30 times since high school.
Those are my random facts. Play along, if you like, and post some random facts about yourself.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Is the Universe Sending Me a Message?!?
Thursday evening on my drive home, I was stopped for making an illegal lane change (I didn't use my signal). A very young officer who looked like she went straight to the academy from high school asked for my license and insurance verification. She went back to her vehicle to check my license and write my ticket. As I sat there waiting, I realized it was taking her a very long time to come back.
After a few more minutes she got out of her criuser and walked back to my car. As she approached my window she said, "Ma'am, can you step out of your vehicle?" I got out of my car and she said, "Come back to the vehicle with me, please." At this point I said, "Is there a problem?"
That's when I find out my license was suspended!
To make a very long story long, I was "arrested" and "released in the field" to my friend Andy. I had to leave my car downtown and I made arrangements to get to and from work on Friday.
I spent the day Friday trying to clear up the mishap that resulted in the unjust suspension of my license. It took nearly $300 and an act of God to get everything cleared up by the close of business Friday so I wouldn't have to go the entire weekend without a car.
Friday night, friends asked me to come hang out with them. Since I was under strict advisement to carry the paperwork that solved the license problem with me until Monday, I was trying to drive as little as possible. I met my friends, left my car and rode with them. We were out very, very late, so it was Saturday by the time I picked up my car to head for home.
I put my key in the ignition and turned..........it sounded like my car had a diesel engine!
I'm not really sure what's wrong with it. It could be a muffler/exhaust problem or it could be the engine (rings or pistons.....something catestrophic like that).
So, I busted my ass to get my driving privileges back Friday so I wouldn't be stranded over the weekend only to have my car freak out and I was carless anyway.
I'm not sure what message the universe is trying to send me, but I'm not going to be driving for awhile. Whether I fix the car or get a new one, I'm not in a hurry to do so. For some reason, I don't think I should be driving.
All things considered, I thought my weekend was fantastic, but the details of that will have to wait for another blog!
After a few more minutes she got out of her criuser and walked back to my car. As she approached my window she said, "Ma'am, can you step out of your vehicle?" I got out of my car and she said, "Come back to the vehicle with me, please." At this point I said, "Is there a problem?"
That's when I find out my license was suspended!
To make a very long story long, I was "arrested" and "released in the field" to my friend Andy. I had to leave my car downtown and I made arrangements to get to and from work on Friday.
I spent the day Friday trying to clear up the mishap that resulted in the unjust suspension of my license. It took nearly $300 and an act of God to get everything cleared up by the close of business Friday so I wouldn't have to go the entire weekend without a car.
Friday night, friends asked me to come hang out with them. Since I was under strict advisement to carry the paperwork that solved the license problem with me until Monday, I was trying to drive as little as possible. I met my friends, left my car and rode with them. We were out very, very late, so it was Saturday by the time I picked up my car to head for home.
I put my key in the ignition and turned..........it sounded like my car had a diesel engine!
I'm not really sure what's wrong with it. It could be a muffler/exhaust problem or it could be the engine (rings or pistons.....something catestrophic like that).
So, I busted my ass to get my driving privileges back Friday so I wouldn't be stranded over the weekend only to have my car freak out and I was carless anyway.
I'm not sure what message the universe is trying to send me, but I'm not going to be driving for awhile. Whether I fix the car or get a new one, I'm not in a hurry to do so. For some reason, I don't think I should be driving.
All things considered, I thought my weekend was fantastic, but the details of that will have to wait for another blog!
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