Friday, August 15, 2008

No Boomerangs for me, please!

Almost 9 years ago, I broke up with someone. We'll call him Doofus for the purpose of this blog. Our relationship started with friendship and progressed to something more......and then turned TOXIC!

I won't go into all of the sordid details of our years together, but will divluge that when the dust setteled, one of us was on our way to federal prison and the other had an FBI file.

Doofus had a very careless upbringing and had no idea what it was to be loved or liked unconditionally. He had no way to understand how one could dislike a person's actions but still like the person. This caused many problems throughout the time we were together and I always told him, "Doofus, no matter what matter where you go or what you do...I'll be there for you." I really meant it. In the 9 years since we split and he moved out of state, we have kept in touch and remained civil......or "friends" for lack of a more appropriate word.

Two weeks ago, Doofus called and told me he was thinking of moving back to Oklahoma. [WHAT?!?............WHY?!?] I was in a panic. Then he asked if he could stay with me until he found a place to live. [SERIOUSLY?!?.........WHY?!?] In that moment, I realized something. I was capable of being his friend only because we didn't live in the same state. When faced with the reality of his moving back, I remembered all of the shitty things he had done to me and knew I couldn't let him back into my everyday life.

I made an excuse as to why he couldn't stay with me and then my brain shut down. "If I don't think about it, it's not really happening", I though to myself.

Ha! Not so!!!

Doofus called yesterday and asked if I could pick him up from the airport on Sunday. Luckily, I am going to be tied up all weekend AND my car is broken down [no lie!], so I didn't have to make up any excuses. When he asked what I was doing, I told him it was regional finals for Talent Quest and I'd be stuck at the bar all weekend.

He said, "What's Talent Quest?" [REALLY?!?]
That single question just shows how much he doesn't know me anymore! I've been involved with Talent Quest for almost 7 years in some capacity and most of my friends have either heard about it or are involved with it, too.

Then he said, "Well, maybe I'll come by the bar after I get in a hang out with you......what bar is it?" [HONESTLY?!?] Not only does he not know what Talent Quest is, but he doesn't know about Don Quixote's and the role it has played in my life over the past 8 years..........he's seriously out of touch and doesn't even know it.

He doesn't know my best friend, Jessica. He doesn't believe most of my friends would stand in line to beat his ass. He doesn't even know the youngest four of my nieces and nephews....not their names, their ages or which of my siblings they belong to. He only knows what I've shown him over the past 9 years.

Unconditional friendship.

But, I'm not so sure he'll see it that way when he arrives in Oklahoma and I won't hang out with him........I just can't allow him back into my life on a daily basis. It doesn't mean I don't care about him. It just means I have to care about myself and my sanity FIRST.

I will NOT make the same mistakes just sucks being forced into this position.



Jessican said...

wow...yeah, that sounds like a whole lotta bad news bears.

It also sounds like he is really thinking that you are going to be there for whatever he needs know, 9 years after he abused and pretty much lost the privilege.

Do not envy your position, but please keep us updated per usual!

Jessica said...

Well, shit.

I don't even know what to say. His inability to fathom the hell that he put you through simply amazes me, but I guess it really shouldn't. I think he just CHOOSES to not think about it.

Girl. You should have made those two sentences into one, "He doesn't know my best friend, Jessica, and he doesn't know that he would stand in line to kick his ass".

Granted I met you AFTER all the Doofus stuff happened, but I did get to see the repercussions that his actions had on you, and that is something I don't know if I could ever forgive. I'm glad you realize that he is an emotional vampire who can't come back in to your daily life. And I will certainly help you keep him out of it if need be. You know I got ya back, girlie!

Jessica said...

And obviously, I meant to type that "SHE would stand in line to kick his ass".

Darn typos.

stargurrl13 said...

I think the worst part, for me, is feeling guilty about not wanting to hang out with him......I'm finding it hard to find a balance between keeping the promise I made to him and not getting into a situation that will be detrimental to me.

I know there are tons of people backing me up in this situation, so things will be okay....if I can't tell him to back off, someone else will.

Thank God for good friends!