Sunday, October 2, 2011

Peace, Be Still.......

I mention often about being a loner and liking my alone time. I have good reasons for liking that quiet time and just last week, as I had a bit of a break in my workday, I was overwhelmed by how blessed I am. Only in the quiet times do I fully recognize the depth of how fortunate I am.

I can't imagine what it would be like to go through life without the love, friends and amazing opportunities I've been given! I wouldn't trade any of that for all the money in the world, but that's not the whole story.

As often as I mention my penchant for being alone, I mention my irrational fear of the unknown. For one with an analytical brain, this can be a nightmare. If there's a situation for which there is an unknown factor, my brain will play through it over and over with every possible scenario for the unknown factor. If you can imagine, this sometimes goes on for months......especially in the quiet moments.

Currently, my brain is still trying to figure out what caused the change between me and Baby Boy. Honestly, my brain is beginning to settle most often on one of two possible explanations.

Number one: I totally got played.
Number two: He totally hates me.

Either way, I find no comfort and continue to search for the answer to what is going on. One thing I know for sure: Losing Sucks and I hate feeling like I've lost him (and believe me....I know he was never mine).

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