Lloyd Dobler

As I was reading through old blogs today, I ran across this post from 5 years ago about Lloyd Dobler. As recently as last Thursday night I was laughing with friends about my love for Lloyd, so I decided to re-post that blog here. Funnily enough, if I were to write this blog today, I wouldn't have written it any differently. So, here's to all my peeps who are also Lloyd Dobler devotees.

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It's true....I am a Lloyd Dobler fan!

It's not just the boom-box-up-in-the-air-I'm-going-to-win-you-back romanticism of the character that I love, it's the idea that there could actually be a Lloyd Dobler out there for me. If most of us are honest, we're all searching for our Lloyd Dobler.

How do I know this? Go to any search engine and type "Lloyd Dobler" and you'll get thousands of results. If you click on www.lloyddobler.com you'll see just the boombox picture with the words to "In Your Eyes".....whoever created the site thinks that nothing more is needed.....I kind of agree.

There's a band called "The Lloyd Dobler Effect". It's not my style of music, but I'm sure that more than one person has checked them out just because of their name. [They have a very "Dave Matthews Band sound, so if you're into that kind of music, check them out at www.lloyddoblereffect.com]

There's even an art gallery in Chicago called "Lloyd Dobler".

Even with the huge cult following that Lloyd Dobler and "Say Anything" has achieved, I still find that people don't get it when I say, "Lloyd Dobler is my dream man." What I love about Lloyd is that he is passionate about what and whom he likes. He doesn't just blindly follow the path that others try to create for him. He does things that are common, but seem romantic because he is sincere.

Here's what I want to know: What does Lloyd Dobler mean to you? Do You have a Lloyd Dobler in your life? What makes that person your Lloyd Dobler?

The Perfect Love Song [for me, at least]

Thursday night I was fortunate to spend the evening with many long-time friends as we celebrated the 10th anniversary of our friends, Todd and Renea Killingsworth. It's difficult not to reflect on the last decade of memories, but Thursday was really a celebration of love and friendship. As I reflected on the last decade, I thought about love. I'm not very traditional when it comes to love and relationships, but despite that, I can be a hopeless romantic. Here's a re-post from my old blog, written 3 years ago about a song I considered the Perfect Love Song.

February 5, 2008

The Perfect Love Song? [with explanation]

I'm a sucker for lyrics. Most of the songs I love have lyrics which speak to me much more than the melody or style of music. It makes my heart beat fast when I hear a song and immediately think to myself, "this is exactly what I would have written"!

So, if I were going to write a love song, I think it would have been very similar to "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson. Here are the lyrics and why they speak to me. Enjoy!

"The Way I Am"
If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

[I don't smoke, so I don't carry a lighter or matches, so.....if I go in search of flames for you, I really like you]

Cuz I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

[My personality is very distinct and I definitely need someone who takes me for what I am]

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.

[I keep my house cold and it has been mentioned to me on more than one occasion. However, I think I'd be more likely to offer a hoodie instead of a sweater if you're visiting me and you're cold.]

Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

[I'm really good at getting rid of headaches......it just takes a bit of TLC. And, who wouldn't want to ease the pain of the one they love?]

Cuz I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.

[I love bald men. I have loved them my entire life. However, for love, I'd be willing to buy rogaine for one that was reluctant to lose his hair. Now that's the ultimate in loving gestures coming from me]

Sew on patches to all you tear.

[For those that don't know, I sew. I could probably forgive a guy for cheating, but if my guy takes his sewing or mending to someone else, I can't bear it. Sewing for someone shows how much I care and is as personal as a kiss to me.]

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.

[I'm very non-traditional and am not really interested in traditional commitment so I totally get loving someone more than I can promise to love them.....it makes total sense to me and is the ultimate expression of how much I can love someone.]

And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

So, that's the love song I would have written but Ingrid beat me to it! If you haven't heard this song, you should listen to it now and tell the one you love how much they mean to you!




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A Time for Everything

It's no secret about the recurring theme which Unavailable Men have played in my life. I've started a project which has me spending some time immersed in memories and I've realized some interesting things only time spent as the "other woman" can give one. Although my time as the second string has given me better insight, many of the things I've discovered apply to every type of relationship. Family, friends, romantic, etc.....

I can remember once, in frustration, telling Pepe he needed to choose time with me when it was difficult to make happen. I didn't need him to do that every time, but I needed him to choose me, just once in awhile, so I could see my importance. For the record, he would do that. There were many times he chose to go with me when it could very well have made his life difficult when dealing with the girl who didn't know of my existence. Once we got beyond year 7, that began to change with us.....at least HE began to change. My importance began to wane.

The hard and honest truth is this. We make time for things which are important to us. It still makes me a bit sad to think I lost my importance with him, but often times the truth is painful. Rejection is never easy so I try to keep this in mind when dealing with those in my life. There are times when I really don't feel like talking on the phone, going out for a drink or attending a party but I'll do these things anyway. There are people who are important enough to MAKE the time to spend with them.

Maybe I'm oversimplifying, but I've been mulling this over for about 3 years and I keep coming back to that same, simple truth. I'll say it again. We make the time for the things/people which are important to us. Think about it.

It's a Fine Line

Lately I feel like I've lost my self identity. Maybe "lately" is a bit understated since I spent the better part of the last 10 years making adjustments to how I act and what I say so others feel comfortable and safe. And to be honest, I think that's a good thing to do, but at what point does it become too much? Where does one draw the line?

There's a fine line which separates the two extremes of everything. A fine line between love and hate, pleasure and pain, good and evil.......there's also a fine line between being true to one's self and being selfish. This one has been on my mind a lot the past few weeks and I'm trying to find the correct balance between the two. After all, isn't that what the fine line is; the balance one should strive to find? However, finding that balance and walking that fine line are often easier said than done.

Why should I feel selfish when I feel I've reached my tipping point when it comes to this fine line balance? The only thing I'm really good at is being myself and if I don't have that, it's very disconcerting. I'm not sure this is something I could even change since I've been doing it so long, but at least with the thought germinating in the back of my mind, I might be able to make it a bit more balanced.

A Continuing Struggle of Wants vs. Needs

This year has been a study in Wants vs. Needs for me. If you missed it and you're interested, you can read about it here. However, this struggle between wants and needs is a bit different.

I've been somewhat at odds with the Universe for a few months and I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who feel as though they've also gotten a bad deal lately, but I'm tired of being resigned to my fate. Although the things I'm doing may not change how the Universe deals with me, I'm blogging about my side of things just to get my message out there.

I started with my "personal ad" and will build upon that. If there's any mistaking what it is I'm looking for, I can point to my blog archive as documentation. So, if the Universe ever sees fit to send an available man along who is actually attracted to me, here's my view on wants vs. needs as it pertains to relationships.

I can remember Pepe saying to me once, "You don't need anybody" and I guess that's true. There are very few things in life which are needed to survive.....and as cold as it may seem, another person isn't one of them. One may be sad or lonely but the heart will go on beating and the sun will continue to rise and set.

The bottom line is this. I'd much rather be wanted than needed. Want implies the person has a choice. Out of all the people in the world, that person chooses to be with me. Not out of some perceived necessity. A need is something you don't have a choice about, at least by definition. And although I think many people use the word "need" in place of "want", I think language should be used more deliberately.

I want to be wanted. It's really just that simple.