Finally...My First Blog of 2010

I'm not really sure how to explain my lack of blogging over the past few months. One would think it would be easier to blog with so much "free time" on my hands, but that's just not the case. I really am an optimistic person and I'm convinced I have an over abundance of serotonin. The over abundance makes it virtually impossible for me to experience depression...even the common depression most people call the "blues". Lately though, I'm wondering if my inability to blog might be my version of the "blues".

Of course, if that's the worst I feel when I've been unemployed for 4 and a half months and am on the verge of losing the grip I have on the last bit of semblance of my former life, you'll not hear me complain. But, then again, maybe my lack of blogging comes from one of the many wise lessons my very wise mother taught me......"Heather, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

I know her words of wisdom are meant to keep one from saying mean and ugly things to another, but I feel it also helps one deal with difficult times in life if one chooses to filter all the bad things going on through this wise truth. Anyway, everyone knows I've always got some hair-brained theory bumping around in my noggin.....I guess this is just the latest.

Other things which have been on my mind are much weightier topics of which I'm unsure about being ready to discuss. Not because I don't want to share them yet, but rather, because I feel I need to do a bit more research to be as informed as I can before I possibly reveal my ignorance to the blogosphere. However, I don't mind throwing the subject matter out there so it can begin to marinate in one's mind as I begin to put my ducks in a row to write about these things.

Currently on my mind:

The homeless: How and where do they go to survive the bitter cold? Are some shelters more dangerous than others or are they all equally dangerous? How does one apply for jobs with no phone or address? Our attitude toward the homeless and unemployed: perception vs. reality.

Resources for single people with NO children: Why are there no government programs outside of unemployment for those who have chosen to be responsible and not get knocked up? Where do single people go when they have no where else to turn?

I know there are more topics which will probably come about once I delve into the research on these things, but for now, this is what I'll be working on. I've been hesitant to take on these topics as it might be hard to keep my optimistic approach given the subject matter, but as I'm an optimistic person and I'll be drawing on some of my own experiences, I think I'll be able to keep it on the optimistic side of things. I'm trying to boost awareness, not depress people.

I always welcome your comments and posts, but if you feel you have something to share and want to keep it between you and me, just send me a message.

Until the next blog.........grace and peace to you all.

It Is Done

I've been going through some old writing and I found this "gem" which was written about Pepe almost a decade ago. It made me chuckle while reading it and I decided to share it (and the laughs).

It is done--
I threw caution to the wind
through a crack in the window!

Funny--
How quickly the wind died
and came the deathly calm and silence.

The peace I formerly craved
now envelopes me
and I am inconsolable.

My mind races--
desperate to recapture
what has moved away on the breeze

But, no matter how fast I go,
I can't seem to catch that Elusive Wind
which has carried my hopes away.

What a Difference a Year Makes!

It's odd how, on the surface, my current circumstances resemble last year. I'm currently unemployed......with no great prospects on the horizon. I have a lot fewer resources than last year (even with a roommate......who has turned out to be more expensive than helpful). However, despite the seeming gloominess of the situation, I'm happy. Happier than I've been in a long time. A few months ago I mentioned in a blog how I wished I could just sell everything I owned and travel........but my virgo sensibilities kept me from being able to do that. Where would I get money? How could I make it? Today, it seems so much more feasible. I think I got too wrapped up in the tangible things and thought those things were what created my "life", but that's so far from the truth. It's the little things like watching my nieces and nephews laugh and play together, getting a text from my 5 year old goddaughter sent via her mother. Knowing I have family and friends who love and understand me. And knowing things can always be worse, and for many others, things are worse.

It would probably horrify most of my friends if they knew how close to being homeless I am. But, something in the universe keeps bringing me back to this place and I can't ignore there must be a reason why......something I didn't learn the first time I was here. So, I'm trying to be still and listen for the lessons I'm meant to gain from this time in my life.

On a more bloggy note, I noticed yesterday I averaged a blog a week for 2008.......I'm well behind that pace for 2009. I'm contemplating trying to blog just a little a day to make up for it, but I probably won't unless I feel I have something I want to write.

I hope this post doesn't come across as a downer. For how I'm feeling is so far from it. I have so many blessings in my life for which to be thankful. My life is full of family and friends.........and I'm not chained to a job I hate!

I Took the Road Less Traveled (IMO)

A year ago I posted a blog about my "Psycho Girl Theory", a problem which has perplexed me for years. [follow the hyperlink to read my "theory"]

Because of my inability to manifest any incarnation of the "psycho girl" I felt there were instances (several, in fact) where I lost the guy. Don't get me wrong.......deep down, I really believe if a man is capable of caving in the face of histrionics (or incapable of resiting it), he's NOT the man for me.

It is with extreme tentativeness I write this blog but, [drum roll, please] after almost 9 years of taking the high road, minding my p's and q's and conducting myself in a manner in which I can always look myself in the mirror and know I was true to what I believe to my very core.......brace yourselves.......it appears I have beaten the psycho girl.

Despite all the distractions (ahem....other men) which have entered my life in the last 18 months, I found myself returning to one I never intended to see after the night we met. Almost 9 years later and I really, really can't ignore the easy, comfortable connection I have with this man.

I'm not sure what the future holds for me where he is concerned, but for the first time, I feel like I have a chance. And, although I can't fake some sort of infantile fit to secure a man's affections, I have learned to not be so passive with revealing my feelings.

So.....here it is for the blogosphere: I really, really like this man and want him to be in my life as long as possible. Sorry, if you were expecting a declaration of love. I do love him in many ways, but prefer to keep those revelations between he and I.....he's just that important to me and I've been wrong to not freely admit it.

WHEW! I feel much better now with the record having been set straight! If anyone is interested in my Soul Mate Theory, you can read about it HERE

Better Late than Never.....Right?!?

I've been so lax about editing the TONS of video I have from Talent Quest Nationals. I have 2 more edited and am working my way through the rest. I will most likely just keep adding the newly edited footage here instead of a new, devoted blog for each group.



Sorry for the delay, folks! Keep checking back for the new footage!



Jenny Diehl, Semi-Final Round, Pop Female, 2nd Place Nationals:

Jimmy Tighe 2, Round 2: