A Simple Girl with Simple Needs

It's amazing how just knowing I would be returning to work has had such a healing effect on my emotional state. It's usually very easy for me to keep things at an even keel as far as feeling blue goes, but the past two months sort of proved otherwise. Don't get me wrong.......although I had some pretty dark days, my worst days were a picnic compared to other's brushes with depression.

Nonetheless, this entire week has felt like I was emerging from the abyss and it is such a good feeling to feel normal again!

So, to get to the actual topic of this blog, I want to share some of the simple things in my life that make it bearable and normal for me.

A job......that goes without saying, but I've modified how I look at employment. I don't need the moon.....just a place to work and enough money to cover my bills and modest living expenses. Having just a bit more than needed is nice, but I've learned it isn't necessary and it won't make me any happier, so I'm very thankful for what I have. Paychecks are a wonderful thing.

A home....I'm so thankful the new landlord is going to keep me as a tenant!

Friends.....people who are there for the good and bad are priceless gems. I'm fortunate to have a fantastic network of wonderful friends who would do anything for me. [And....if any of you ever need anything, let me know. I'm happy to return the favor]

Instant Messaging.....again, it's the small things that make my life bearable and instant messaging is one. I'm not much for talking on the phone and texting fills up my phone mailbox too quickly and I hate to delete messages, so instant messaging steps in and fills my communication needs perfectly!

Good food....I'm a foodie and I love a good meal. It doesn't matter if it's home cooked, from a nice restaurant or a little hole-in-the-wall dive. If the food is good, I'll be happy. Those who know me personally and have eaten with me know all about the Happy Food Dance! When I put a bite of good food in my mouth, I do a little dance in my seat......it's totally involuntary but it's the true sign that my mouth is happy and a happy, full belly will soon follow. [If you're interested in my Top 10 favorite place to eat, you can check that out HERE.]

Those are my simple needs. Today, at least.

Sage Advice

The job hunt is going very slowly and my severance will stop on the 15th of this month. I started the paperwork for unemployment benefits, but I found out today that the corporate office is going to protest it and try to deny me.........I have the ammunition to fight, but I'd rather just find a job and not have to deal with it.

I'm trying very hard not to be stressed, but I'm starting to feel the panic rise. So, my very wise and constant IM friend mentioned that I might look at some of the job leads I've gotten for sales and I shut him down immediately. True sales people are horrible to work for and with. I asked my friend if he thought I was being stubborn and he gave me some very good advice. He said he thought I should look into a sales job as an interim possibility.....to get some income flowing.....and then continue my job search from there. I still don't want to work in sales, but I also don't want to be homeless and I don't know how long it will take to resolve the disputed unemployment claim.

If I thought I could bring in enough money right now just sewing and designing, I'd go ahead with that, but I don't like the unknown and there are too many unknowns involved with that.....the main one being, "How much money will I make?" I need to know my bills will be covered. End of story.

I'm off to apply for more jobs!

Blah Blog?

I've been meaning to post for a few days, but just haven't been able to make myself. I don't want to write a post that is negative or sounds as if I'm wallowing but some of that can't be avoided. I'm trying so hard to maintain my optimism, but the simple truth is this: I feel really lousy....and I hate it, but please bear with this post because it won't be entirely depressing (I hope).

Three weeks ago I would have given my right arm for 2 weeks without having to go to work....the big difference is I don't have a job to return to and that, I'm finding, is very tough to handle. I never really thought that my self-worth and identity were so wrapped up in my job. I'm finding insecurities I never knew were there and I'm trying my best to learn to deal with those. For the most part, I do okay but there are times when it sneaks up, without any warning, and I find myself scraping bottom. Certainly not a place I'm used to being and not where I want to stay for any length of time.

My parents came yesterday and hauled my car back to their house for some major repairs. It was no easy thing for me to ask my parents for help, but at this point in my life, in these circumstances, I had no other options really and I'm so thankful that I have the kind of parents that will always be there for me. Unconditional love is an amazing thing.

As far as day-to-day life goes, the only thing that has remained constant from before losing my job is my rambling, 8-hour IM conversations with a friend. Without that, I may have really plunged into the depths and not returned to the surface because it's that 8-hour stretch, when everyone I know is working that really does a number on my head sometimes. But, this friend...he puts up with my moody ups and downs and remains a calming force in my life when everything else seems so unstable......and he does it just because we're friends, not because he knows I need that kind of an "anchor" at this particular moment in my life. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to repay him for the extreme kindness he has unintentionally shown me, but hopefully, one day, I'll have a chance to return the favor.

Well, I guess this could have been far more depressing, but I'm hoping it's my optimism and some of the kindest friends in the world keeping it to a minimum. I just have to hold on to my belief that nothing happens by accident........and maybe one day I'll understand this chapter in my life.

For now, I press on.