That's Where the Music Takes Me

In less than a month I'll be leaving for Talent Quest nationals. This time of year finds me submerged in music, but you won't hear me complain about that.


Music has always been a huge part of my life. I've written before about how there's music tied to every major event in my life, but my relationship with music goes so much deeper. When I was little, my mother often told me the story of the first time she held me after I was born. She would say, "You love music because the first time I held you, I sang to you right away." My first outside contact with my mother was hearing her sing, not speak to me. Who knows? Maybe she's right about that first encounter shaping my love for music......that coupled with the fact that the entire time I was in her belly I was probably listening to her sing to my sister, Melissa, who was only one at the time.


Music permeates my childhood. Many evenings the entire family would gather around the turntable which was built into a cabinet with the TV (do you remember those?) and we would listen to entire albums.....one after another.



My sisters and I would have singing competitions in the bedroom (with ourselves as the judges, so I'm sure you can imagine how that would go) which started when I was in kindergarten. I can still remember us taking turns, signing the same song and then trying to decide who had "won". Even times when I wasn't dubbed the winner I would think to myself, "That's okay.....I know I was the best"!


For birthdays and Christmas, music was a common gift. I've posted this picture before, but notice how I'm not much bigger than the album I'm proudly displaying!





Even our television viewing had a slant towards music.......I don't think I ever missed an episode of the Donny & Marie Show, Sonny & Cher, Tony Orlando.......and, on the weekends at my grandparents, Hee-Haw and Lawrence Welk. All of this worked to give me a broad appreciation of music.



But, my favorite childhood memory of music is everyone singing together when a song we loved would play. Most often, this would happen in the car..........I can close my eyes and imagine it now. Warm, summer day, windows down, wind blowing all around us and there it is......that song, the one we love.....and we're singing! Absolutely one of my favorite things.....still to this day!

And THAT'S where the music takes me!

The Bottom of my Heart

Last week was a stressful one for me......mostly just trying to get through a challenging year of TQ regionals, but mixed in with that was having to deal with two "ghosts of boyfriends past" (as I like to call them). Mainly, Pepe. I haven't had any contact with him since the end of May (which is a long time for he and I to go without at least e-mailing) and I hadn't been missing him at all which makes me know I've finally gotten over him........mostly.



The poem I'm posting is actually one I wrote when I was about 15........and then I changed the final lines when I was in college. I can't remember writing it about anyone in particular, but I must have..........I guess it just proves that time heals all wounds. Regardless, this little, silly, school girl poem just won't stay out of my head, so I'm trying to blog it out!





I thought that we were finished,

We said that we were through.

I tucked your memory away

and tried to start anew.

I went along my merry way

without another thought

but suddenly, your name comes up

and my heartbeat seems to stop.

Why-- (if I am over you

and all my wounds have healed)

why am I feeling lonely here?

What has my heart concealed?

So, I searched my heart completely,

down to the deepest part-

to find I'd only forgotten you

'til the bottom of my heart.

Things I Love

Here's a list of things I love and make me smile.



-crisp, clear fall mornings

-a cool room and a comfy bed piled high with blankets and pillows

-the sweet taste I get in my mouth when I tear open a packet of the "pink stuff"

-a chilled shot of SoCo with NO LIME

-late night IM conversations

-a whole weekend with no set plans

-going to the OKC Friends of the Library sale every February with Jess and Mandy

-waking up the morning after the library sale with a book hangover

-going to dinner with my fellow foodies

-the Double Crunchy

-my badass dog, Reggie

-good lyrics

-hearing my nieces and nephews say "I love you"

-being an auntie

-Guitar Hero and Rock Band tournaments with my nieces and nephews

-Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank

-a fun night of karaoke fun with great friends

-learning about people

-clever facebook status updates

-Sara Sara Cupcakes

-stars

-rockstars (of the lead singer variety)

-that first sip of coffee in the morning

-conies from Coney I-Lander

-coconut M&Ms

-college football

-the sound of the ocean

-being content

I Can't Quite put my Finger on it

I'm feeling a bit frustrated and impatient these days.

Frustrated because I have the need to write and yet, up to now, have been unable to put any of my thoughts into words.

Frustrated because I want things to move at MY pace instead of relying on my tried and true philosphy of "it is what it is".

Frustrated because I've heard some disturbing things a "friend" has said and I'm unable to say anything becuase this person is connected to almost all my other friends......and even in my frustration, I don't want to do or say anything mean-spirited.

Frustrated because I'm so busy at this time of the year.......and all I really want to do is pack up and run away from it all.

Frustrated because I allow my moods to be dictated by someone else and how much they communicate with me.

Frustrated because my wants and needs aren't aligning at the moment.

Frustrated because men who are toxic have become boomerangs and keep popping up in my life to spread a bit of misery and then disappear again.

Frustrated because I hate to sound like a complainer, but it's MY BLOG....I write it for me, so here I am in all my frustrated, complaining glory.


The impatience comes from wanting the frustration to be gone yesterday.....and then being frustrated when it remains. It's really a vicious cycle, but I'm sure it will be better tomorrow.


I feel better having said all that.